The Key to Unlocking Courage and Authentic Success
Another long day of back-to-back meetings, high-pressure decisions, and managing a team that counts on you to have all the answers. You’ve been doing this for years now—leading, achieving, succeeding. On paper, you’ve got it all: a great job, financial stability, and a reputation for being a powerhouse in your industry.
But something doesn’t feel right.
Despite the accolades, the promotions, and the outward success, there’s a quiet voice inside of you that says, “I’m exhausted.” You’ve been running on empty, ignoring your own needs to meet everyone else’s expectations, and the result is a deep sense of disconnection from yourself.
Sound familiar?
You are not alone. Many ambitious women find themselves in this position—constantly putting others first, striving for success, but feeling like they’ve lost touch with their own needs along the way. And while the world applauds their achievements, internally, they’re struggling with overwhelm.
Tuning into your own needs,will help you tap into the courage required to lead with authenticity, reclaim your well-being, and experience true fulfillment—not just success on the surface.
I want to tell you about a client of mine, I’ll call her Claire.
Claire’s Story: The High Achiever’s Dilemma
Claire was a high-level executive at a global consulting firm. Smart, driven, hugely successful, she was the woman people looked to when they needed results. Claire had spent over a decade climbing the corporate ladder, navigating complex challenges, and earning the respect of her peers.
But when she came to me, she wasn’t thriving. She was exhausted, frustrated, and feeling as if she was caught in a never-ending cycle of demands. “I don’t even know what I need anymore,” she said during our first session. “I’m so focused on keeping everything together, I haven’t had a moment to think about myself in years.”
Claire’s story is one I hear all the time from ambitious, high-achieving women. They’re so accustomed to meeting everyone else’s needs—whether it’s their team, their clients, or their families—that they’ve lost touch with their own. For Claire, this had led to a deep sense of burnout. She felt like she was constantly pouring from an empty cup, and no matter how much she achieved, it never felt like enough.
When I asked Claire when was the last time she truly considered her own needs, she paused. The silence stretched for a moment before she admitted, “I don’t remember.”
Why We Neglect Our Own Needs
The reason so many high-achieving women struggle to meet their own needs is often because we’ve been conditioned to believe that our worth is tied to our productivity. We learn to equate doing with being, and we internalize the message that meeting others’ expectations is more important than honoring our own.
As women in leadership positions, we also face societal pressures that tell us we need to be everything to everyone: a top performer at work, a supportive friend, a nurturing mother or partner, and an impeccable leader. These expectations are exhausting, and they leave little room for us to focus on our personal needs. And when we do take time for ourselves, there’s often a lingering guilt that tells us we’re being “selfish” or “weak” for stepping back.
Claire felt this deeply. “I feel like if I don’t keep going, everything will fall apart,” she said. “There’s just no space for me to slow down or even consider what I might need.”
But the truth is: continually pushing through without acknowledging your needs doesn’t make you stronger. It erodes your strength over time. Courage isn’t about how much you can accomplish without stopping; it’s about having the bravery to listen to yourself and meet your own needs—even when it feels uncomfortable or counterintuitive.
The Turning Point: Reconnecting with Your Needs
The first step I took with Claire was helping her reconnect with her needs. At first, she wasn’t sure where to start. She was so used to ignoring her own desires that she didn’t even know what they were anymore. But by creating space for reflection and asking her the right questions, we started to uncover what was really missing in her life.
“What would make you feel more supported, more energized?” I asked her one day. Claire hesitated, then said, “Honestly? I need more time for myself. I need time to think, to breathe, to not be ‘on’ all the time.”
This was a huge breakthrough for Claire because it was the first time in years that she had acknowledged her need for space. Up until that point, she had been running on autopilot, convinced that she had to keep going at full speed in order to maintain her success. But once she admitted what she truly needed, everything began to shift.
Together, we created a plan for Claire to start honoring her needs in small, manageable ways. She carved out time each morning to center herself before diving into work. She set firmer boundaries with her team, learning to say “no” when necessary. And most importantly, she stopped feeling guilty for prioritizing her well-being.
Why Meeting Your Needs is Essential to Courageous Leadership
Claire’s transformation didn’t happen overnight, but as she began to meet her own needs, she rediscovered her courage. By giving herself permission to slow down and listen to what she needed, Claire found a new source of strength. She became more confident in her decisions, more present with her team, and more fulfilled in her leadership role.
The truth is, when we meet our own needs, we’re better equipped to lead others. We show up with more clarity, more energy, and more authenticity.
But when we neglect our needs, we operate from a place of depletion. We make decisions out of fear, exhaustion, or a sense of obligation, rather than from a place of alignment and inner strength. Over time, this leads to burnout, resentment, and a loss of connection with ourselves.
How to Start Eliciting Your Needs
1. Pause and Reflect
The first step is to pause. In the middle of your busy life, it can feel impossible to take a moment for yourself, but this is essential. Set aside some quiet time to reflect on how you’re feeling, both physically and emotionally. Are you tired? Stressed? Unfulfilled? What’s weighing on you? The answers to these questions will give you clues about what you need.
2. Identify What Energizes and Drains You
Take a look at your daily routines and responsibilities. What activities or people leave you feeling energized and fulfilled? What drains your energy? By identifying these patterns, you can begin to see where your needs are being met—and where they’re being neglected.
3. Listen to Your Body
Your body often knows what you need before your mind does. Are you constantly fatigued, tense, or anxious? These physical signs are indicators that something is out of balance. Pay attention to how your body feels throughout the day and consider what adjustments might help you feel more supported.
4. Set Boundaries
One of the hardest parts of meeting your own needs is learning to set boundaries with others. This can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to being the go-to person for everything. But boundaries are essential for protecting your energy and ensuring that your needs are met. Start by saying “no” to one small thing that doesn’t serve you and gradually build from there.
5. Give Yourself Permission
Remember that meeting your own needs isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. When you’re well-rested, nourished, and fulfilled, you’re able to show up as your best self for those who rely on you.
Leading with Your Needs Met: The Power of Courageous Self-Care
As Claire began to meet her needs, she no longer felt the constant pressure to prove herself or push through exhaustion. Instead, she led with calm, clarity, and a deep sense of purpose. She became a role model for her team, showing them that true leadership isn’t about sacrificing yourself for the sake of success—it’s about thriving so you can help others do the same.
If you’ve been neglecting your own needs, take a moment to ask yourself: “What do I really need right now?” It might feel uncomfortable at first, but I promise, it’s the first step toward reclaiming your courage and leading with self-compassion.